Khamis, 5 Mac 2009

Life has to go on

Achtung: Long entry.

I wanna talk something that been bugging me.. heheheh.. that is -
My Molar Pregnancy

I have other blog dedicated to this illness. Purposely made it separately as I don’t want it to interfere with my daily scribble.

However, since people asked, I then would like to share how I feel to have been diagnosed with this infirmity.

The beginning
Zahra was born in 2007 via C-sect. Right after pantang, I took Noriday. We planned to have other child by 2009. Thus, somewhere in June 2008, I stopped consume the pill. And, as I managed to puasa penuh the whole Ramadhan, I peed on the stick and it says positive. There’s a bun in the oven! We’re indeed very happy as things seem to go smoothly as planned.

My pregnancy was different – from the previous. I was having really bad morning sickness. Tak larat dan asik penat jer. We went for check-up at my SIL clinic and as a mengada adik ipar I requested to do the ultra-sound. The pregnancy was probably 7-8w but nothing shown, can only see the sac but no heart-beat and she requested me to come back another 2 weeks or more.

After a week, disebabkan ketidaksabaran and a mother instinct (I guess), I went to another clinic near my house. Sekali lagi requested for the sonogram. And again no heart beat and the Doc asked me to come again another two weeks.

Two weeks had past. I remembered telling Mat that I wanted to go to the clinic tomorrow, to have another scan. And he said, ‘Kenapa nak scan banyak-banyak kali?’ and I replied, ‘Entahlah, rasa baby ni macam tak hidup jer.’

21 November 2009
Early in the morning, I have this weird feeling. I was actually at the kitchen, preparing Zahra’s EBM and bottles for going to the Taska and suddenly I felt like I broke my water bag. I rushed to the toilet and see nothing. Then, I went to the office as usual and at 10am while doing work, I bled. Fresh red blood. And I know by then the baby is actually gone.
I rushed to the clinic near my house (as I have an appointment) and the Doc referred me to Hospital and I requested to go to Hospital An-nur, Bangi.

Things happen very fast. I was first in the casualties, then they referred me to the ObGyn and by 2pm, I was ready to go to the OT for DnC and by 4pm, my case was done.

Having molar pregnancy is not like having a normal miscarriage; I have to check my beta-HCG levels as this kinda of pregnancy may lead to growth of abnormal cells that can proliferate to become cancer cells. Scary huh?

So, here are my beta-HCG levels:
Levels were at start: 779 539 (21 Nov 2008)
wk 1: 573108
wk 2: 5401
wk 3: 2793
wk 4: 7697
wk 5: 14 428
wk 6: 13470 ---- Start with Mtx
wk 7: 15322
wk 8: 291
wk 9: 231
wk 10: 90
wk 11: 246 ---- Increased
wk 12: 351 ---- Increased

When Doctor start talking about chemotherapy
Is when the data shows increased and doubled within a week. My response: I cried. It was so shocked. I consider myself fit: I swim, I breasfed my DD, I take supplements, and yet I’ve been diagnosed with Gestational Trophoblastic Tumors which may develop to become cancer. Funny to think a pregnancy can make me go tru all these.

About chemotherapy
I hate it. Very much. If it is a person, I would not hesitate to kill him. Serious. But then I’ll have to live with it – antara jalan untuk sembuh.I’m still on chemotherapy. Sampai bila: sampai Beta-HCG jadi below 2. When would it be? Entahla, I can’t give exact date. As you can see from my Beta HCG pattern, it shows an increasing. Bad sign basically. What will I face now is changing chemo regime to a higher dose – seems that my body had developed resistant to the lower dose of drugs.

My hope
I hope my numbers hit 0... and fast.
I hope that somehow, this will end up okay.
I don't want anymore sadness.
I don't want to have another tumor.
I want another baby.

I pray, a lot nowadays. Allah swt meletakkan sakit itu ke atas aku supaya aku beringat – hidup ini Dia yang tentukan, esok adalah suatu yang tidak pasti.


4 ulasan:

  1. banyakkan bersabar dan berehat
    i got a twin who was diagnosed with rhumetoid arthiritis.. dia kena hidup dengan penyakit tu sepanjang hidup dia. dan dia terima hakikat dia sakit tu selepas 3 tahun on treatment

    bila dah jadi macam ni, aku bersyukur sebab aku rasa aku kurang tabah dari dia.

    Allah takkan uji kita dengan apa yang kita tak mampu hadapi

  2. an, aku setuju dgn aida tu..
    la tahzan.. (nnti ku bg buku ni utk ko eh)
    hadapi dan terima dgn tabah.. ko pasti boleh harungi seme ni.. Allah tak uji kita tanpa hikmah kan.. ko pasti jumpa hikmahnya tu nanti.. insya Allah..

  3. nangis baca.

    Allah pasti ada rancanganNya utk ko ok..

    kami suma pun doakan semuanya selamat.. :)

  4. dear All:

    Life have to go on. Tipu kata aku tak sedih atas apa yang menimpa diri ini - BUT bnyk jugak aku bersyukur sebab sakit ini menyedarkan aku yang sering kali terleka dari mengingati-Nya.