April 2009 onwards

Sambung cerita tentang muhasabah diri sepanjang tahun 2009.

Chemo treatment ended on 17 April - berjaya menghabiskan 6 cycle dengan result beta-hcg < 1.2 iaitu normal for un-pregnant lady. The next day, weol terus terbang ke Kuching untuk bercuti.. Heheheh.

Dan selepas chemo, hari-hari yang mendatang adalah kembali seperti biasa: fit to go to work etc. Since aku dapat molar (penyakit yang berpotensi menjadi kanser) and undergone chemo treatment, the doctors advised me to not-to-get-pregnant at least a year or two. Pertama, bimbang recur molar dan yang kedua bimbang jugak dengan kesan MTX.

Medical termination of pregnancy
Methotrexate is commonly used (generally in combination with misoprostol) to terminate early pregnancies (i.e. as an abortifacient). It is also used to treat ectopic pregnancies. In the case of early missed miscarriage (particularly a blighted ovum), in which fetal demise has occurred but the body has not expelled the fetus, methotrexate may be used to help the body begin the miscarriage process.

However, despite with apa yang Doktor pesan, I was (kinda) desperate to having another baby. We wanted to have at least five children, and I planned to stop making babies at the age of 37, and since time is running out, I can’t waste a year or two. A month after chemo, I started to do some personal research - digging all possible journals or studies regarding post-molar pregnancy from the net. And I bumped into these two journals,
i) The effect of early pregnancy following chemotherapy on disease relapse and foetal outcome in women treated for gestational
trophoblastic tumours

ii) Outcome of subsequent pregnancy in patients with gestational trophoblastic disease


I read the journals over and over and over, and I came into conclusion that there is no harm getting pregnant less than a year, however both journals advised that one should avoid getting pregnant for at least a year after completing chemotherapy.

And Alhamdullillah, the good thing about my body is even I’ve gone tru chemo, my menstrual cycle was so regular it never stop to come each and every months. Even the doctors at the chemo centre was quite surprised because most of the patient having amenorrhea when they have to undergone chemo treatment. And from this, I can basically predict my fertile period.

And being hasty, I found myself expecting in June09 – this would be 2 months after the chemo ended. However, the pregnancy did not survived, most probably the effect of MTX still there. And I’m glad that after having natural missed miscarriage the beta-hcg level quickly drop back to normal. And my gynae ensured me that most probably the molar would not coming back. And trusting his word, my body and put everything in God hand, we tried again in September09. And Alhamdullillah, three weeks later I found that I missed my menstrual and peed on the stick and it did showed double-lines.

Walopun ada sedikit ketakutan dalam hati, namun aku yakin dengan doa, InsyaAllah, semua ini akan selamat. Did I put myself and the pregnancy on stack? Jawapan ni masih aku belum jumpa. Namun kekadang terasa juga bila ada Doktor/Nurse yang bising-bising, even my SIL (she’s a MD) pon bising gak bila dengar pasal cerita ini.

Semua aku serah kepada Allah swt.