I believed everything happen for a reason.. And the best reason is to bring us back to Allah swt. A hardship is never a punishment, but it is more to purification..
When I had another fail attempted to get pregnant, I was wondering, what did I do wrong, this time around- which I cant really find the exact answer. The whole thing makes me frustrated. And somehow, demotivated my imaan. And something about imaan, is, bila dia di paras kebawah, Allahuakbar.. susahnya la nak bagi naik balik. You have to push, like pushing very hard, to get it back to how it use to be.. Its such a struggle. My heart wants to do this, but my nafs said that, naah, later-later.. Its like a battle inside. The rebellion part of me towards the whole thing.. Astaghfirullahulazim..
Later, I download an apps into my phone. An apps about days and months of the Hijri, comparing to the days and months of Gregorian. The reason why I d/l this apps is to know when is Nuzul Quran, Maulidur Rasul, Awal Muharram, etc.. to estimate the exact date, to book the free AirAsia tickets. And when I flipped tru the date, I noticed that 1st of Ramadhan next year will be fall on 9 July 2013, which is a month or more, after my supposed Edd. And I remembered that this year Ramadhan is the best Ramadhan I'd ever experiencing, and I remembered that I did pray to Allah swt, making dua, to give me, if it is not as same, than, a better Ramadhan next year. Subhanallah... Subhanallah.. Imagine if I had a baby, the Ramadhan would be very different then. Subhanallah.. Maha Suci Allah. Dia yang Maha Mengetahui.. I dropped onto tears, and starts to realizing the whole thing, did come with a reason.. The best reason He will arrange for us. Lahaulawalla Quwatailla billa.
And somehow, my mind keep thinking, that if, with Allah will, I get re-pregnant, along the way, than my Ramadhan would be, insyaAllah, a full-month as it is. SubhanAllah.
Fighting has been enjoined upon you while it is hateful to you. But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not.
Boleh jadi kamu membenci sesuatu, padahal ia amat baik bagimu, dan boleh jadi (pula) kamu menyukai sesuatu, padahal ia amat buruk bagimu; Allah mengetahui, sedang kamu tidak mengetahui.
Salam Jumaat :)