بِسْــــــــــــــــــمِ اﷲِالرَّحْمَنِ الرَّحِيم
Alhamdulillah. Kembali menulis setelah sekian lama menyepi. 2 months left before we enter the new Gregorian year. However, for me, November ini sudah terasa seperti tahun yang baru. Alhamdullillah, atas nikmatnya yang tak terhingga. Pertama-tamanya, semangat sudah memulih kembali. Semangat untuk menghafal, murajaah dan juga exercise. Alhamdullillah.
I feel stuck the previous months. Subhanallah. Pergerakkan diri sendiri terasa terlalu perlahan sedangkan masa bergerak pantas seperti biasa. Rasa penat yang terlampau. I dont do any murajaah, I skip skipping, and I just dont know what I do daily, basically. And Subhanallah, it took me 5 months to finish surah alHajj (yang hanya 10mukasurat). Perasaan nya seperti memikul beban yang ‘hendak kubuang terasa sayang, hendak kubelai tangan tak sampai’. Haa.. begitu lah. Maaf, menyelit sedikit lirik lagu. ;)
Alhamdulillah alla kulli haal. I restructured back my life, makes lots of dua, and Alhamdullillah, i feel the strength and my heart is firm to make decision and move on.
So, in previous post (jadual waktu) I did mentioned about wanting to bid farewell to some classes. So, this month, November, jadual berubah kembali. No, saya tidak bid-farewell kepada Khayrukum. Saya masih setia. Malah di suatu malam di bulan Oktober, saya hadir walaupon hati tidak bersedia. I feel like I have to brace this. If the Teacher wanted to dismiss me, qadarullah, that must be the best decision. Teacher Samia, however, gave me another option to continue with the class. The institute offer another option for those who dont want to memorise the whole Quran. Makna nya ada 3 memorizing option:
1. Memorise the whole Quran,
2. Memorise surah AlBaqarah and surah Ali Imran only, and
3. Memorise surah-surah pilihan - juz Amma, surah AlMulk, AlWaqiah, Arrahman, AsSajdah, Yasiin, AlJumuah, AdDukhan, AlKahf, AlIsra dan AlBaqarah.
I was given time to isthikarah and make decision. And the week after I came back to class and decided to give myself a go. I come to memorise the whole Quran and I will stay on that path, inshaaAllah biidzanillah taala. May Allah makes this easy and strength me, Aamiin.
So, what change in my new timetable is - I make time for myself - I no longer take class - be it a session with my classmate nor a private hifz/qaida session. Teaching is always a desire. 'Terbaik antara kamu adalah yang belajar dan mengajar alQuran', sabda Nabi saw. But, entah. The process seems to suck my energy so much until when the session is over, my (energy) battery become drain. Menurut buku yang dibaca, begitu lah ciri mereka yang introvert. Being alone, or in the same quite company is the best for them because people can drain their energy. Wallahua'lam. I still have my murajaah partners tho. Loves three of them very much, for the sake of Allah swt. Alhamdullillah, thank to Allah for giving them to me. They give me the strength to revise at least a portion a day and to realise that I am not alone in this path. They make me realise that we are a normal human being and it is okey to make mistakes and to feel down, or sad. And above all, we support each other. Strangers with same mission. Subhanallah, Alhamdullillah.
I bid farewell to TMEAG. After 5years together. Qadarullah wa mashaa fa’al. And I think this is the one of the best decision that I made in my journey to memorise the whole Quran. The journey of memorisation is like swimming against the tide. And you will want to swim accordingly but in ease and happy. If your movement been strict only to one style and way, it will make the swim becoming intense, tiresome and no more an enjoying process. You might be push by the flow and eventually drown. Thats the analogy of what I feel and I think. I owe a lot with Tmeag of course. They taught me to swim. Only that, with the skill that i've learnt, I like to venture different stroke, not just one style. Begitulah.. dan nak dijadikan cerita, program hafazan keseluruhannya juga di-discontinue di academy bermula 2023. Wallahu’alam.
Berbalik kepada kisah jadual waktu, secara zahirnya, waktu petang kelihatan lapang, Alhamdullillah. Waktu untuk melompat di samping mendengar bacaan qari. Alhamdullilah juga untuik apps Qariah, my favourite qari now is Shiekhah Zaynab Talha. Yes.. a woman reciter finally. Alhamdullillah.
Btw, I write this post via phone. Just discovered how to. Sebab nya, I feel the laptop somehow, will divert my attention and intention. Konon nak update blog and then suddenly terbuka blog orang lain and browse pula blog dia and I done with my 1hr screen time, with me not updating my blog. Come tomorrow, pasang niyat yang sama, terstuck dekat yt plak. And the cycle repeat itself. So, I put away the lappy. And buy myself a keyboard instead, and taadaa.. finally updating this blog.
Ok. Alhamdullillah. I think thats all for today update. Excited mencuba menaip via phone. If the outcome good, will stick to this method, in shaa Allah.
Semoga Allah swt terus menunjukkan kita ke jalan yang benar. dan mengampuni dosa-dosa kita atas kekhilafan diri sendiri.
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